Inner Decisions

. . . journey into wholeness

At a Place in Life

I AM AT A PLACE IN LIFE where many people I once knew have transitioned to the other side of life. They have died. My grandparents, my parents, my sister, my brother- and sister-in-law, my husband’s parents, several friends, the list goes on.

As the list grew, and as I grew older, I started asking the question, “If I could say one more thing to him or her, what would it be?” My immediate answer was always, “I love you.” Sometimes I’d say it with tears, sometimes with longing, sometimes with shame for not having said it before, but always with sincerity. I began to realize, even though I felt very free to say “I love you” in my everyday life, I should probably have said it even more, because I felt it. I feel love with the people I know, and I often feel love for complete strangers. I disguise my feelings of love sometimes by saying, “I love that about you,” or “you are so sweet,” though at the heart is my feeling of love for that being.

Then I began wondering what I would say next? Would I tell her or him something I particularly liked about her or him? Would I share a story about how this person impacted my life in some way? Would I apologize? And if I would say those things the real question became why don’t I say it more now? While we are both alive and struggling through life? What do I need to change about myself to make this happen?

I AM IN A PLACE IN LIFE where I feel love more keenly because so many I have loved have transitioned to the other side of life. I do not want to wait until I’m failing, or they are, before I express how much people mean to me and why. I am taking steps to make the necessary changes in my life. I want to add more to the lives of others than they add to mine.

I am at a place in life where I have time to handwrite notes, and mail them, through the United States Postal Service. Really. I am at a place in life where I can dial a telephone number and talk to people in real time thanking them and telling them I love them. I am at a place in life where I can apologize, meaningfully, knowing the world won’t come to an end. I am at a place in life where everything good matters, and where lapses of judgment can be readily forgiven. I am at a place in life where my favorite sport is watching people commit acts of kindness. I love that I'm at this place in life. And so it is.

Go Back